canonical. c, a, n, o, n, i, c, a, l. canonical. Mark believed that the courtship of women should proceed in a formal, almost canonical way. That is, after all, how he won the affections of his wife. But his sons did not warm to the chivalrous lessons Mark tried to instill in them as they were growing up. No, Mark's sons chose to adopt the "college fraternity" style of wooing. Alcohol weakened inhibitions, and a stubborn insistence was their go to lady-slaying technique.

/kəˈnɒn ɪ kəl/

adjective. 1 according to recognized or orthodox rules. 2 stated or used in the most basic and straightforwardly applicable manner. 3 prototypical.

Mark believed that the courtship of women should proceed in a formal, almost canonical way. That is, after all, how he won the affections of his wife. But his sons did not warm to the chivalrous lessons Mark tried to instill in them as they were growing up. No, Mark’s sons chose to adopt the “college fraternity” style of wooing. Alcohol weakened inhibitions, and a stubborn insistence was their go to lady-slaying technique.

futilitarian. f, u, t, i, l, i, t, a, r, i, a, n. futilitarian. Jared was a twenty-something kid from a middle-class neighborhood in suburban Philadelphia. Though he grew up with everything a kid could ever want, something inside him yearned for hardship. Real life experience. He read himself to sleep with the stories of Kerouac and Hemingway. Bukowski. Dostoyevsky. He idolized the monologues of Travis Bickle. In college, he'd walk around campus in ripped corduroy, cigarette smoke billowing behind him. And he learned very quickly that there were a ton of women that would spread their legs to hear a few verses of Lermontov. So he poured it on. Became more and more fatalistic and futilitarian. And then he fell in love. Found a job. Marriage found him. And For Whom the Bell Tolls turned into Clifford The Big Red Dog. In suburban Philadelphia.

/fyuˌtɪl ɪˈtɛər i ən/

adjective. having the opinion that all human activity is futile.

Jared was a twenty-something kid from a middle-class neighborhood in suburban Philadelphia. Though he grew up with everything a kid could ever want, something inside him yearned for hardship. Real life experience. He read himself to sleep with the stories of Kerouac and Hemingway. Bukowski. Dostoyevsky. He idolized the monologues of Travis Bickle. In college, he’d walk around campus in ripped corduroy, cigarette smoke billowing behind him. And he learned very quickly that there were a ton of women that would spread their legs to hear a few verses of Lermontov. So he poured it on. Became more and more fatalistic and futilitarian. And then he fell in love. Found a job. Marriage found him. And For Whom the Bell Tolls turned into Clifford The Big Red Dog. In suburban Philadelphia.

January 24

redound

redound. r, e, d, o, u, n, d. redound. Foolish men often expect that a strenuous effort to repair broken affection will redound to all matters of the heart. But no! Learned men know this: You may win her back. Sure. But she won't come back all the way.

/rɪˈdaʊnd/

verb. 1 a the coming back, as of consequence or effect. b result. c return. d requital. 2 a rebound. b reverberation.

Foolish men often expect that a strenuous effort to repair broken affection will redound to all matters of the heart. But no! Learned men know this: You may win her back. Sure. But she won’t come back all the way.

credulous. c, r, e, d, u, l, o, u, s. credulous. Considering Emma's history of infidelity, her frequent disappearances and flimsy explanations about why she'd return smelling of stale sex, were surprisingly easy to sell to her credulous husband.

/ˈkrɛdʒ ə ləs/

adjective. 1 a apt to believe on slight evidence. b easily imposed upon. c unsuspecting. 2 believed too readily.

Considering Emma’s history of infidelity, her frequent disappearances and flimsy explanations about why she’d return smelling of stale sex, were surprisingly easy to sell to her credulous husband.

January 22

abut

abut. a, b, u, t. abut. Like any man of honest temper, Sam enjoyed ogling tits. Large tits, small tits, floppy tits: it didn't matter much to him. Now Samantha, his wife, was a woman of stunning proportions. But she was small and self-conscious. So self-conscious in fact, that she decided to surprise her husband with breast augmentation. What she failed to realize -- as women often do -- was that Sam's eyeballing of the sea of tits surrounding him on a daily basis meant absolutely nothing. Nothing! He loved Samantha in a very profound way, and her body was just a small part of what made Samantha Samantha. But, no matter how many times Sam would tell her so, Samantha could not shake the fear that her husband would leave her for a pair of gargantuan breasts. And so she found a doctor. And he found a knife. And it was done. Oh, what an awful sight to behold it was! Where there was once beauty, two jumbo-sized skin balloons jutted out from her chest like stoic piers standing firm in the ocean. They rubbed together as she walked, and abutted her chin. Her neck, one of Sam's favorite places to linger in post-coital embrace, was gone. Vanished. Destroyed. And while these "things" did not alter his love for his wife, which remained as absolute as love for a person can ever be, Sam's eyes began to loiter just a bit longer on women he wouldn't have given a second glance to before.

/əˈbʌt/

verb. 1 to project. 2 to terminate or border. 3 to be contiguous. 4 to meet with on, upon, or against.

Like any man of honest temper, Sam enjoyed ogling tits. Large tits, small tits, floppy tits: it didn’t matter much to him. Now Samantha, his wife, was a woman of stunning proportions. But she was small and self-conscious. So self-conscious in fact, that she decided to surprise her husband with breast augmentation. What she failed to realize — as women often do — was that Sam’s eyeballing of the sea of tits surrounding him on a daily basis meant absolutely nothing. Nothing! He loved Samantha in a very profound way, and her body was just a small part of what made Samantha Samantha. But, no matter how many times Sam would tell her so, Samantha could not shake the fear that her husband would leave her for a pair of gargantuan breasts. And so she found a doctor. And he found a knife. And it was done. Oh, what an awful sight to behold it was! Where there was once beauty, two jumbo-sized skin balloons jutted out from her chest like stoic piers standing firm in the ocean. They rubbed together as she walked, and abutted her chin. Her neck, one of Sam’s favorite places to linger in post-coital embrace, was gone. Vanished. Destroyed. And while these “things” did not alter his love for his wife, which remained as absolute as love for a person can ever be, Sam’s eyes began to loiter just a bit longer on women he wouldn’t have given a second glance to before.